Why Today Was (Nearly) A Complete Disaster

Today was awful.
For the first time in the history of my life, I got up at 6am without any problems or tantrums. However, the initial good start rapidly went downhill...
The taxi was on time but the driver didn't really speak any English and apparently, we were only the third customers that he had ever had as it was his first day. We spent the ride to the station frantically shrieking at him to ignore his sat-nav as it directed him to completely the wrong place. When we got to the station, I bought a coffee, only to discover a short time later that my cup had a hole in the bottom and was leaking violently over my best jeans.
The boring train journey proceeded without any further major incident until on arrival at Waterloo, we decided to go to Burger King to get a egg-muffin processed breakfast. I attempted to walk up the stairs and somehow managed to fall over them in spectacular style in front of about twenty people who then proceeded to point and laugh at me. I must confess to having a little cry as I really hurt my knee (not that this invoked any sympathy whatsoever from my audience).
We made it to my audition which, it transpired, involved that favourite British pastime, The Queue.
After indulging ourselves in Three hours of non-stop crazy queueing, I realised that as I had not made the effort to show-off to the cameras (that the film crew appeared to be attempting to insert into every orifice of every contestant), I didn't have a hope in hell of being selected to sing in front of the lovely Simon Cowell. Not that he was there today, but we all had to pretend enthusiastically that he was. Or rather other people did, whilst I sat on the floor nursing my injured knee. Eventually, I got to sing for about four seconds to the grumpiest man I have ever met in my entire life. He said no, I stupidly thanked him for his time (I wish my manners would stop making me be polite to people when I want to punch them!), and then it was time for me to leave. Weirdly enough, I wasn't really cross about anything other than my very sore knee. I actually (despite grumpy man's opinion) sang really well, didn't miss a note, or feel wracked with nerves. Hurrah!
We mooched around Camden and Leicester Square for a bit, and then decided to head home as my rail ticket wasn't working when I got on and off the tubes so every time I wanted to get in and out of a station, I had to ask an attendant for help. Apparently today was 'I Think I'm A Stand Up Comic' day for all staff working the London Underground and after an entire day of people joking that I would have to live on the tubes forever (I'm claustrophobic) I was pretty much ready not to have to endure any more of their humour.
The train journey home was Awful. There were no seats so we had to sit on the floor by the toilets listening to some office worker (whose electronic equipment was taking up about six seats in the carriage) blah on his mobile to Klause, Clive and Ivan whilst trying not to openly keel over in fits of laughter at him. There were no taxis in the rank when we finally got off so we cleverly decided to kill our feet a bit more by walking to the pub.
When we got to the pub, we discovered it was 'closed for refurbishment'. I could have cried, especially when I realised we had left both our mobiles indoors and there was no payphone within a ten-mile radius so we'd be walking the rest of the way home.
I have spent the rest of the evening in (another) pub. We made it back and then my girlfriend's sister came to pick us up. I have now drank about ten shots of vodka so am feeling pretty good. Have to work tomorrow with a hangover but am feeling pretty positive as it can't be worse than today (I hope!).
And that is why today was (nearly) a complete disaster.......