The First Entry of a Self Confessed Failure

I wonder how many of these online blogs are the direct result of people either reading or watching Bridget Jones?
Not that I think that's a bad thing, it's just that most of us don't have a happy ending, or at least have no hope of one.
I've decided to make a record of my various rants, personally I prefer physically writing in a diary but as I haven't even managed to learn how to hold a pen properly in my twenty-six years of life, it's easier (and less painful) to type.
Of course, I had a whole gigantic number of things to be angry about this morning, but now I'm sitting here I can't remember what any of them were..... Apart from maybe how bad my memory's getting! And how despite the fact that I swore that I never would, I'm turning slowly but surely into my mother. Not that that's really a bad thing either, but she's REALLY forgetful.
I hate being twenty-six. It's rubbish.
When I was at school, I thought that by the time you get to your mid-to-late twenties, you would at least have some sort of idea of where your life is going and perhaps be somewhere on the ladder to an interesting and fulfilling career. Instead I find myself in a dead-end job in a bingo hall (which thanks to Tony Blaire's glorious no-smoking campaign will no doubt be closing within the year) with no future prospects and nothing to show for my life so far apart from an ever increasing list of dissappointments, disasters and missed opportunities. Ho hum.
I wouldn't mind as, to be honest, I've brought most of the crap on myself but I really did try to do things the right way. I did alright in my GCSEs, attempted A-Levels (failed there though!), did a BTEC instead for which I got fantastic results, went back to college for an HND (didn't finish due to a slight total meltdown), stuck with a job after being promised that it was going somewhere and then woke up six years later to discover that now I feel trapped in my 'career' and nobody else wants to employ me because I don't have the relavent experience to do anything else.(God forbid that anybody wants to actually TRAIN new employees. There must be factories somewhere churning out a bunch of people who fit job advertisements to the letter because NOBODY offers training any more)
I didn't get a degree because, quite frankly, I didn't feel the urge to get thousands of pounds into debt for something that, with my track record, I was doomed to fail at anyway. I didn't get pregnant young, join the french foreign legion OR learn to drive. The latter I am now regretting as bus fares amount to about the same as the cost of buying a small island in the outer hebrides. And DON'T get me started on the trains. In two days I am auditioning for x-factor. This was not my idea but my girlfriend seems to think that it would be 'brilliant' and that I should give it a go. I suspect it has more to do with her wierd crush on Simon Cowell than it does to do with her confidence in my ability but, to be honest, I'm sidestepping the point.
Because we have to leave at 8 in the morning we have to pay £60 EACH! I nearly leapt over the counter and strangled the smug sales assistant when she told me. The only reason I did pay the disgusting fee was that she was looking down her nose at me like there was no way in hell that I could afford such a ridiculous fare. Which of course made me want to prove that I could. The irony is that I can't really, but there was no way I was going to let HER know that.
I hate being poor.
It's rubbish.
We both work 40 hours a week and once we've paid our many bills, we can afford to go out maybe twice a month. If we're lucky. I had more spare cash when I was at college!
And I haven't had a weekend off for ever. Or a bank-holiday. AND I have to work evenings a lot of the time and I'm always tired. I would just like to know at what point do you wake up to discover that all your hard work is actually paying off. Or am I doomed to always fail at things that I would desperately like to at least have some level of competance at? I gave up on being brilliant at anything years ago so my expectations aren't even that high! One day I would like to actually own my own little two-bed semi with a garden and off-road parking. And work a job where I get evenings and weekends off. That's it. Apparently even this is setting my sights too high though, so it's back to the drawing board to 're-invent' myself once again....
Ho-hum.