The Diet of a Self Confessed Failure

It occurred to me as I was making my dinner this evening that perhaps sausage and chips (albeit of the grilled variety) was perhaps not the healthiest option that I could have chosen.
I have tried numerous diets and have found that none of them work unless you're stressed and miserable and therefore not really eating anything at all.
In fact, the only time I have ever really been 'slim' was when I was totally unhappy. I have recently come to the conclusion that I will always be a little bit fat and am hoping that this is something I can come to terms with.
Easier said than done I think.
Which brings me to the slimming club at work.
It's not technically a club as such but it's my own personal name for a group of what can only be described politely as 'larger' ladies. They're all in their forties/fifties and every single one of them has been on a diet for the entire time I've known them. Not one of them has, to my knowledge, actually lost weight despite the daily protestations of living on lettuce and exercising rigorously fifteen times a day, which must be when they're asleep I think as I'm not sure when else they could fit it in. Perhaps they rope themselves into StairMasters at night..... maybe that's where I've gone wrong!
The slimming club is not, collectively, doing anybody but themselves any harm and personally I don't believe in criticising anybody else for their lifestyle choices BUT.....
Every time I have to eat my dinner at work at least one, if not the whole group will descend on me 'en masse' and inform me of the entire calorie/fat/sugar content of every single spoonful that goes in my mouth! It drives me nuts and for quite a long time I confined myself to my tiny office at meal times.
My girlfriend (whom I work with) has managed to get me to emerge from my self-imposed isolation and eat like a normal person in front of other people. She, of course, is a trim size 8 despite the fact she eats about fifty chocolate bars a day and, quite rightly, doesn't give a stuff if the slimming club start analysing her food choices. She, in fact, takes great joy in eating even more rubbish despite their noisy health alerts. I wish I could be that confident, however I know that just looking at a mars bar will result in my gaining five pounds. Or twenty if I'm having a really crap day...........