Tax the Stupid

I think there should be a Stupid Tax.

And a Lazy Tax.

Tax the Stupid, Lazy Ones!!!

Honestly, this week I have wasted so much of my time having to clear up the mess of both of the above, and seeing as I technically get paid by the Government I really think there is a case here. My time is being wasted because other people are stupid and lazy. Therefore they should pay more for existing.

Next week, taxing crisps, cakes and ice-cream to around the same rate as cigarettes. Thus making extra money for our (quite literally) straining NHS as our hospitals are forced to use our money on giant beds for PEOPLE WHO SIT ON THEIR FAT ASSES EATING ALL DAY.

You know it makes sense.

The Bank

On a totally unrelated note, I REALLY hate my bank.

Evil, money grabbing, tight-fisted, moronic, twisted, thieving, fascist, satanic, nasty, egotistical, lying, hateful, backstabbing, monstrous BASTARDS!!!!!!!

There, now I feel better......

Question

What is the Point of Snooker?

Apart from being a brilliant sleep-aid. Works better than Nytol for me!

I Can't Sleep!

It is about 3.20am.

I have to get up at 8.30am for work.

For the third night in a row, I will get maybe 4 hours sleep- IF I am lucky.
Today, I am not loving my insomnia.....

I'm so tired.

Boo-Hoo.

AAARRRGGHH!

I just wrote out a whole post and it dissappeared.

I am Very Annoyed.

Grrrr

The Story Of The Unhappy Slug...

So I went back to work today.

Monday is only a half-shift for me, so I get the evening to mooch around the flat and watch lots of Jerry Springer and Judge Judy. Many people are a bit snobby about daytime television. They seem to think that it's only for people who struggle to spell their own name, or who marry their own cousins. For me, seeing how some people manage to get through life, despite not being able to string a sentence together is incredibly fascinating. I love watching their orchestrated fights on Jerry, or how some people will sue their mothers because "she borrowed a tenner once and never paid it back". It makes me feel safe because although sometimes it feels like my life is pretty awful, it will never be as bad as it is for these weirdos. And the saddest thing is, the majority of them aren't even smart enough to realise that they're missing out on all sorts of things. Or maybe they don't care, I don't know as I'm not exactly Sigmund Freud when it come to psychoanalysing other people.

This brings me to the Slug at work.
She is a person, we haven't got some sort of infestation (not that I'm aware of, anyway).
I call her the Slug because she spends all day chewing the part of her fingers that used to be her fingernails and everything she touches ends up being covered in dribble (a bit like as if a slug had crawled across it). It's disgusting.
I'm not a Total clean freak but I like clean hands on other people. And your mouth has more bacteria in than your bum! Not that I'd be particularly over the moon if somebody tried to pay for their bingo books with money covered in feces, but dribble is just as gross- unless the person handing something to you is under 4 years of age.
She also has a voice which I can only liken to a veritable orchestra of cats, all sharpening their claws on a ginormous blackboard simultaneously. It's awful. And she puts an 's' on the end of almost every verb she says, IE-

"I wants and needs a new kitchen"

AAAAARRRRGGGHHH!!!
I can't stomach the woman at the best of times but today, after being away from work for a whole week, I came extremely close to vaulting the counter and stapling her fat, stupid head to the carpet.

It was a shame really, as apart from the Slug, I had a pretty good afternoon. The customers were fairly annoying, but not so much as usual, and I was feeling fairly calm about all the things that normally wind me up and make me feel like I will become a victim of spontaneous human combustion at any given moment.

I was going to turn over a new leaf and try and cut the moaning down on my posts but I've changed my mind, I enjoy it far too much!

I Managed To Get It To Work In The End.....!

Stupid computer won't let me put the cursor in the title box for this post. This was going to be a happy post because I was in a good mood but now I am irritated....
I have no idea how to get it to work. Maybe I'll have to wait until I press 'publish' and it'll tell me in that slightly patronising way that computers do that I have forgotten to title my latest piece of drivel and it'll let me do it then.
Or maybe it won't let me publish at all without inserting a title in which case, what I'm writing at this precise moment is a complete waste of time an energy so I'm going to keep it short just in case.
And now, when I have loads to write about, I have ended up writing about absolutely nothing, which is really annoying because if there's something I really can't stand it's when you start reading a blog and the person who writes it spends a long time telling you how they've got nothing to say and are only writing because they feel they have to for some bizarre reason. Like it's 'for the fans' or something. I don't have any fans. Sometimes people click on my blog but they tend to click straight off again when they realise my blog isn't very exciting and I don't have any amusing pictures of me with my head up a chicken's arse or 'having fun' with all my friends or being on holiday or five hundred images of me changing my child's first nappy. Nice.
Ok. If I can title this when I press 'publish' then I'm going to then write a proper piece with all my exciting news in. If not I am going to have a tantrum which may result in my not having a computer at all when it's finished..... Here goes......

My Brain Hurts.....

If there is one thing I hate more than my job it's applying for a new one.
When you apply for a new job, it appears that the prospective employer needs to know everything about you, from what you had for breakfast this morning to what your Great Aunt Ethel's favourite colour was.
Its Really Boring.
And not only is it Really Boring, but you have to try Really Hard to be Friendly and Enthusiastic and Really Excited about the possibility of a new life in accounting......
I've sent off three applications today. The last time I tried to find a new job I must have filled in about twenty application forms. I hate doing it because no matter how hard you try and make yourself sound Brilliant, you're really lucky if any of the bastards even send you a 'thanks but no thanks' letter. All they would have to do is write out one and save it on their system for all the failures as it's not like they have to sit around spending hours working out the best way to kiss My ass!!
Bastards.
I get really cross when they don't even acknowledge your time. It's very Bad Manners and when they're advertising for friendly and polite staff, it doesn't make it look like they were successful in finding them.......

I Hate You Super Mario!

AAAAARRRGHH!
As I previously mentioned, I recently acquired a Gameboy DS. I've been pretty much attached to it since I bought it, and I love my new hand-held gaming console very much.
However, today, whilst near the end of New Super Mario Brothers, I got so engrossed in the level I was stuck in, I forgot to pay attention to the amount of lives I had left. As a consequence, I murdered Mario, and although I got a continue, I have lost ALL my accumulated points. It's very annoying when you've invested a lot of time in a game and something like this happens. Needless to say, I am now very cross- not only with the game but with myself, because I shouldn't feel this emotional about a child's computer game.
I genuinely felt like launching the damn thing out of the window. Luckily my girlfriend was on hand to prevent me from doing anything so stupid and I very nearly murdered her too..... Over Super Mario! God!! That would have made an interesting headline.....
I wonder if anyone has actually been a real-live victim of computer-game rage... The thing is, I can quite feasibly see it happening. I'm usually a fairly rational (if admittedly bad-tempered) person and yet the little red moustached man nearly made me have a full blown screaming match with another human being- simply because they were in the room at the same time as he pissed me off!
Dear me.....

The Story Of Why Traffic Wardens Are Evil.....

I don't like the traffic wardens who patrol the car park situated behind my workplace.
They are Very Bad People Indeed.
This is partly because they clearly have no morals and seem to enjoy making other people's lives miserable. We get a ticket at least once a month. This is because they know that we are stuck in the bingo hall all day, and from the minute we pull up, they are waiting for us to exceed the allocated five hours. If we go over by just five minutes, we'll have a ticket.
We have to move the car two or three times a day to avoid tickets or the ridiculous parking charges set by the city council. We can't get a bus because by the time we finish work, there are no direct routes to where we live and I, for one, am not willing to risk my life hanging around bus-stops late at night. Sorry about that, but I'm not. We simply can't afford to pay for parking, we don't get paid enough and to be honest, it's not like the government doesn't get enough out of us already with their weird and wonderful taxes.
The traffic wardens know my girlfriend's car. They seem to think of it as a piggy bank on wheels. I firmly believe that none of them would be struck down by lightening if they could be bothered to stick their heads in the back door of the building to ask her to move it if she's been parked in a space a minute too long. They, of course, disagree. This has resulted in numerous arguments, threats, tears and screaming matches- all of which still result in the inevitable ticket stuck on our windscreen.
The bit that makes me REALLY mad is that my girlfriend applied to be a traffic warden several years ago and in the application pack, it was described how these Nazis get a bonus for every car they put a ticket on! She didn't even bother sending it back, she was so disgusted. They are encouraged to hover around car parks like nasty little worker ants, waiting to pounce on YOUR car and make YOUR life miserable. AND they enjoy it AND get paid extra for creating as much collective misery as possible.
Next time you walk past somebody shouting at one of these parking bastards, do what I do.........

......Laugh your head off, they deserve to be made to feel bad about what they do....!

Why The Smoking Ban Is A Bad Idea

Our Government is banning smoking in public places in just over two months time. Apparently this is because people in Britain have completely lost the ability to think for themselves, and need lots of help with staying healthy. Obviously the fundamental human right of having the freedom of choice to make our own decisions for better or for worse in our own lives is, apparently, no longer necessary.
I don't like non-smokers who give lectures on the dangers of smoking or cough loudly next to me while I'm puffing away in the pub. The worst kind of non-smoker is the ex-smoker. People who have managed to banish their filthy addiction seem to feel the need to let those of us who still enjoy the odd fag how much 'better' their life is now. Yawn.
Of course, smoking is bad for you. It can cause or contribute to all manner of nasty illnesses and in extreme cases, even death itself. The problem I have is that nowadays, everything is bad for you. Not just smoking, there is an enormous list that includes drinking alcohol, eating the 'wrong' food, watching television, surfing the Internet, non sleeping enough, not exercising enough, sleeping too much, exercising too much, salt and even drinking too much water can be fatal. Where does it stop? At what point are we going to say to ourselves that seeing as we're only on this planet for somewhere between fifty and a hundred years, which is a Very Short Time Indeed, perhaps we should stop worrying about what's going to kill us, and concentrate on enjoying the things that make us feel alive. And if that includes having a daily nicotine fix and the occasional beer and even (God Forbid!) the odd Friday night kebab, then so be it!
I am so fed up with being nannied constantly by the people who run this country. If I want to be unhealthy then that should be my choice.
I can hear non-smokers twitching. Yes, I know, smoking affects those around you too. So here is my message-
GO SOMEWHERE ELSE!
Use your own freedom of choice and BOG OFF!
I have no problems with abstaining from smoking around children, or in restaurants or cinemas or shops or art galleries or indeed any of the numerous places that already exist where you can't smoke. However, when I go to the pub, I want a fag. If I can't smoke when I'm out, I shall be staying in.
The biggest problem that this is going to create is the fact (certainly in my own opinion and experience) that smokers spend more money when they're out than non-smokers. They gamble harder, drink harder and generally try and enjoy themselves a bit more. I know that if I'm not out of work within six months of the ban being put in place, it will be a miracle.
So thank-you to all the people that lobbied for this. Well done! I'm going to end up unemployed so that you can stay in too- because it won't just be my little bingo hall that shuts down. Pubs, clubs and venues across the country will be closing their doors by this time next year.
And I still refuse to give up......
I'm no quitter!